November 28, 2004
Branching out from bionicgirl
1. 'Mother' is indeed a very beautiful word. In my case, the word encompasses strength, resilience, patience, humor, humility, simplicity, forgiveness, laughter, grace, beauty, thoughts, ability, blur, fried rice, steamed minced pork egg, mee hoon kuey... love... and more.
2. I agree it's harder and harder to make new friends, much less keep them as age adds on. All kinds of relationships take effort to initiate and even more effort to build. In the mad rush between work and other trivial yet important errands of life, honestly, sometimes, I just want to shut away from the rest of my social circle.
I think I'm someone who loves my own company. You think that's silly to assert? Not if you know there are people who really cannot bear the idea of being alone, doing things alone, eating out alone and watching movies alone. In fact, I realised that I need quite a fair amount of personal space. I need to walk down Singapore river, go to one of my favourite part in Singapore, go walk and lose myself in the throngs of shoppers, all by myself, every once in awhile. I need regular break to do something I enjoy on my own - be it visiting a museum, watching a movie, reading and sipping Ice Passion at Coffee Club or just getting lost in Kinokuniya.
But, like I mentioned in my last entry, we are all social animals. We need human interaction. It's hard to make new friends. All because the first step is difficult. Beyond that first step, who knows?
I still try to make that effort though. Especially now that the sch holidays are here. Especially since it's that time of the year - christmas has a magical feel to make people more sociable and generous and genuine. Indeed there is a list of friends I really want to catch up with. I made the first move, for some of them. If there's anything exciting, you will hear it from here. It's already beginning. ^^
3. My pov is that a life once conceived is a life worth living. Even if I know my child is going to have problems living his/her life either cos of disabilities, disorders or other handicaps, I still wouldn't opt for abortion. To me, every life has a destiny. I do not really think that a parent has the right to decide everything for a child. Many highly talented musicians or artists were disabled or needy in certain aspects of their lives. Yet, there was a destiny for every one of them, wasn't there?
I too had a dream once. I dreamt I was pregnant and due to some medical reasons, had to abort my child. I remember I freaked out, both in the dream and after waking up from it. The pain of knowing you are denying a life that has the potential to grow and ultimately, mapping and arriving at its own destiny, is just too much to bear. I was quite shaken by the dream I had. Strange but the pain and hurt lingered on for a while even after I woke up.
I tend to agree with Annie. Everything is only gone when you start to give up. And life should be measured in moments, not milestones.
4. I remember this incident. I was at a shopping mall waiting for some friends to fish out their shopping. This kid came running behind me, behind her own mummy. The Mummy was walking briskly in front. The girl, not more than 4 year old, was running after her own mummy. When she got hold of her Mummy's hand, she asked a question that immediately made me felt upset for her. She asked, 'Mummy, do you love me?'
My instant reaction then was, 'what kind of a mother would have her own child ask that question?' Of course, later when I spoke to Wenn about it, she showed me the other possibility. That is, children these days can be very manipulative. The little girl might be using that as a tactic to demand for some toys that she has been refused. Well, valid.
However, assuming that that was not the case, it really makes me feel chilled to think that a child sees the need to ask if his/her parents love her. Children not only have the need but also have the right to feel loved. I, for one, would be really upset, ashamed and shocked at myself if my child ever ask me that question. How much, really, does it take to be a parent? I don't think I can even come close to answering that question now.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 16:09